Babysitting
'is episode 19b of Edward and Eric. It premiered on Kids' WB on June 12, 1999. Synopsis Constantinos needs money to pay his rent, but fortunately, he's in for a treat: Bill and Whitney are going out of town in honor of their anniversary, Wyatt is attending a national arm wrestling competition, and Stanley is going on a trip with his cousins, so they need someone to babysit Sierra. However, everything goes downhill once it's just him and Sierra in the penthouse... Cast *Andrew Rannells as Edward, Wyatt, The Narrator, Noah and Birthday Card Voice *Josh Peck as Eric *Gary Sauls as Constantinos *Edward Felker as Stanley *Clancy Brown as Bill *Grey DeLisle as Whitney and Sierra *Veronica Taylor as Carver *Mike Pollock as Mr. Rattlebag Buford makes a silent cameo appearance. Trivia *This is the first episode that features Sierra as a major character. *Twelfth Street Rag by Sage Guyton and Jeremy Wakefield serves as the title card track for this episode. *Although this episode premiered in 1999, it was produced in 1998 according to the copyright date at the end of the credits. Transcript (Episode opens with Constantinos breaking open his piggy bank with a hammer. Unfortunately, all it has are a dead spider, cobwebs, a broken nickel and crumbs) '''Constantinos: '''Drats. (Constantinos scavenges through the couch cushions, but all he finds are pieces of already-chewed gum) '''Constantinos: '(repeatedly shakes his hands to get the gum off) Ew! (He grabs a birthday card from his broken shelf and expects money, but once he opens it, a boxing glove punches him in the face. He gets sent flying and is thrown through his living room wall) 'Birthday Card Voice: '''You are officially a year closer to death! Happy birthday! '''Constantinos: '(weakly gets up and rubs his nose) Ouch... (We hear a knock on the door, and Constantinos opens it) 'Constantinos: '''GAH! Oh, hi, Mr. Rattlebag! Uhh, how's your wife doing? '''Mr. Rattlebag: '''How many times have I told you? I'm divorced. So stop trying to make small talk each time I go to remind you of your rent. (Constantinos gulps) '''Mr. Rattlebag: '''Now listen, it's almost the first day of March, and you know what the first day of months mean. '''Constantinos: '(nervously chuckles) It means rent! I gotta pay rent! (nervously chuckles again) Yeah, don't worry, I'll get RIGHT on that. 'Mr. Rattlebag: '''Constantinos, each time you tell me you will pay your rent "soon", well..."soon" never comes. In fact, "soon" is filling up my planner! (takes it out) (Mr. Rattlebag flips through the previous six months. Each first day has "Soon" written on it) '''Mr. Rattlebag: '''And if "soon" doesn't come soon any time sooner, I'll be sure to kick your butt out sooner than you can say "soon"! (storms off) '''Constantinos: '''Could you repeat that again? (Camera cuts to Bill getting dressed) '''Bill: '''Well, just a few more minutes and we'll be all set for our much-deserved anniversary trip. Thank goodness I booked a room at that 6-star hotel at a discount. (Camera immediately cuts to the hotel's sign. The sixth star falls off of it) (Constantinos knocks on the door, and Bill walks up to the door, opening it) '''Bill: '''Oh, it's...what was your name again? '''Constantinos: '''Mr. Breault, I'm in a pinch of money. '''Bill: '''Then go be someone else's burden! (throws him out of a window and chuckles as he closes the door, but then he screams in horror upon seeing that he somehow teleported back in) '''Constantinos: '''And you're the only person willing to hand me a job. '''Bill: '''Kid, I think you're mistaking. '''Constantinos: '''Please? Please? Please? Please? (Bill covers his ears) '''Constantinos: '''Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee- (Cut to a time card) '''The Narrator: '''50 years later... '''Constantinos: '-eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee- 'Bill: '''OKAY! I GET IT! (points to an aged Constantinos' beard and freckles) Also, uh, you've got a few things on your face. '''Constantinos: '''Oh, these? (rips off the beard and wipes off his freckles) Comes right off. '''Bill: '''Now, listen carefully. Me and my wife are going on vacation, so we need someone to look after our daughter. (shouts) STANLEY! '''Stanley: '''I've got better things to do. Leave it to the pauper. '''Bill: '(grunts) I'll give him the paddle later. Oh, and our bodyguard Wyatt's at an arm wrestling competition. Sierra, you better be good to your health insurance here. He's gonna make sure you won't tear the apartment up. 'Sierra: '''You won't need to worry about me, Dad! '''Bill: '(to Constantinos) So I guess I have no choice but to- 'Constantinos: '''Pay me to look after her! (pushes Bill and Whitney out of the penthouse) Well, you guys have a good trip. Bye! (slams the door) (Suddenly, Sierra tackles Constantinos to the ground, and he screams) '''Sierra: '''You listen here, bub. When it comes to babysitting me, everything is MY WAY OR THE HIGHWAY! '''Constantinos: '(under his breath) Maybe the highway IS the best place for me. (Camera transitions to Sierra forcing Constantinos into a tea party) 'Constantinos: '''Uhh, are you sure about this? You could break a nail with that cup, or end up choking on the tea, or you could accidentally fall on your back with chairs like these. '''Sierra: '''For a babysitter, you really ''are ''the baby here. NOW SIP! (Constantinos sobs as he sips the empty cup) '''Sierra: '(calms down within a nanosecond) So how does my world-renowned homemade tea taste? 'Constantinos: '''Like air. (Sierra suddenly has a nail bat in her hands) '''Sierra: '''You wanna say that again? '''Constantinos: '(cries harder) I MEANT IT TASTES GREAT! (Later, Sierra is watching TV, where it's playing live-action stock footage of a goldfish swimming around in a bowl, but then Constantinos pulls the plug) 'Sierra: '''HEY! '''Constantinos: '''Mom always told me TV rots a young kid's mind. '''Sierra: '''But it's a common pastime in this country! And there is no scientific correlation between television and brain damage! '''Constantinos: '''That's just fancy talk for you Americans. (he grabs a top hat and a magician wand from out of nowhere) And besides, there's better things to do. Like magic tricks! '''Sierra: '''I have an idea. Why don't YOU disappear? (Constantinos frowns, and suddenly, he vanishes from existence. Sierra laughs) (Later that evening, Constantinos is resting on a recliner. His eyes are bloodshot. Suddenly, Sierra tightly tugs on his collar, choking him) '''Sierra: '''I NEED SOME GRUB! '''Constantinos: '''Ok, I'll call for some pizza then. (grabs a phone, but Sierra smashes it to pieces, startling him) '''Sierra: '''Dad said NO PIZZA! '''Constantinos: '''Jeez, he must be insane. Uhh, you want me to cook something, then? (Sierra takes out a long list) '''Constantinos: '(to the audience) I should've known. (After reading through the list, he gets annoyed) '''Constantinos: '''So YOU want ME to serve you PB&J sandwiches with the crusts cut off, macaroni and cheese cooked for approximately 1 hour 15 minutes & 37 seconds, carrot sticks arranged from smallest to largest, four snickerdoodle cookies ''AND a box of apple juice?! (Sierra grins and nods) (Camera immediately cuts to Constantinos cutting the crusts off pieces of bread, only to accidentally cut off flesh from his finger, which causes him to scream so loud that the sun shatters. We then see him dumping macaroni into a boiling pan and putting cheese into it) (Then, he runs all the way to Buford's farm to grab some carrots, but is immediately greeted by Buford holding a shotgun) (Back at the penthouse, Constantinos returns, with his eyeballs in his mouth, which implies he got shot) (He carefully places the carrots in order from smallest to largest. He looks into the cookie jar, but there's only chocolate chip. He shrugs and puts four of them on the plate. He pours some apple juice into a cup and serves the meal to Sierra) Constantinos: '(sarcastically) Bon appetit, Your Majesty. '''Sierra: '(prepares to eat, but then stops) No. No. You can't be this dumb. Oh, no. No no no no no no no no no no no no no. 'Constantinos: '''What's wrong with it?! '''Sierra: '(tastes the macaroni and cheese) You only cooked this by a minute off, (tastes one of the sandwiches) the PB&J isn't a Partial Foods brand, the middle carrot stick is a few inches away from being taller than the first so therefore it must be re-arranged, you didn't give me SNICKERDOODLE cookies... (Constantinos is seen shivering in fright. He gets so scared that he shrinks) 'Sierra: '...AND 'I PREFER BOXED APPLE JUICE!!!!! '''Constantinos: '(nervously) Well, for one, we don't have snickerdoodle. I didn't know someone could hate chocolate chip so much. Sierra: 'Well, maybe I'm allergic! YOU COULD'VE KILLED ME!!!!! '''Constantinos: '''Are you actually? '''Sierra: '''No. '''Constantinos: '''And, you didn't specify you wanted boxed apple juice. '''Sierra: '''WELL, NOW YOU KNOW!!!!!! (Constantinos takes off in fright) (Meanwhile, the camera cuts to The Lucky 6's hideout. Edward is trying to dial Constantinos on the telephone, to no avail) '''Edward: '''Still no answer from his residence. Where could his whereabouts possibly be? '''Joey: '''Far away from you. (laughs, but then Dallas punches his arm) '''Dallas: '''Let's check his apartment, and fast. (Suddenly, we hear beeping) '''Edward: '''Wait! He left us a message! (he heads to the answering machine and presses a button on it) '''Constantinos: '(on the answering machine) Help (Edward goes to the next message) me (and the next) Stanley's (and the next) sister (and the next) has me (and the next) trapped (and the next) at their (and the next) penthouse (and the next) and (and the next) I'm (and the next) going (and the final) insane. '''Edward: '''OH DEAR! '''Joey: '''Whoa, he ain't kidding. (The gang takes off faster than Usain Bolt on a treadmill) (At the penthouse, Sierra has Constantinos tied to a chair) '''Sierra: '''You listen to me - you better cook the macaroni and cheese a minute ahead this time, ''RIGHT NOW!!!!! 'Constantinos: '(sobs) Well, I can't do that if you have me tied up! '''Sierra: '''That's too bad. Fortunately, I have ways of (takes out a noose) MAKING YOU! Category:Comedy World Category:Episodes Category:Comedy World episodes Category:Comedy World Season 2 Category:Insecurity and TGB1's pages